Washington Redskins
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NFL Team Column By John Corcoran |
Making the Redskins an Offer They Can’t Refuse
Only the Redskins could come up with a bye week more exciting and entertaining than the weeks they play. As bye-weeks go, this one was a doozy. It’s a shame it had to be interrupted by a mere football game.
Redskin’s fans have been following the cataclysmic events; even some non-fans find it irresistible. There have been conflicts galore in and around Redskin Park, with the main event between the team owner and a legendary retired Redskin running back.
Quick diversion: I’m a fan of Syfy Channel’s program, “Destination Truth.” It’s a guilty pleasure to watch them search for mythological or reclusive beasts ranging from Chucaraba to Big Foot. The show was scheduled to visit Redskin Park during bye week but had to cancel because mythological and reclusive team owner Dan Snyder and mythological and reclusive Defensive Coordinator Greg Blache left their respective lairs to appear before TV hairdos and ink-stained wretches. Both men had sworn off media contact. Their bye-week appearance was more shocking than seeing the Loch Ness Monster do the Tango on “Dancing with the Stars.”
First, Dan Snyder made a semi apology for the team’s record during a speech at a Washington area high school. He then took things up to “Alice in Wonderland” levels by holding a parking lot press conference that was interrupted by a high school marching band. The band drowned out Danny and he used their cover to split. (I hope they were playing “The Washington Post March” in honor of Dan’s least favorite newspaper.)
A short while later Redskins Hall of Fame great John Riggins took to the airwaves to rip Snyder personally as a “bad man” with a “dark soul.” Ooooh, that’s gotta sting. This caused the other missing suit, Blache, who mysteriously stopped talking to the media some weeks ago, to materialize. Blache read a statement to the media defending Snyder against Riggo’s slings and arrows. Then he split before any questions or musical interlude.
On Friday another Snyder employee rushed to The Danny’s defense. That would be Vincent “The Architect of Disaster” Cerrato. Virtually unknown to the rest of the league, Cerrato is Public Enemy #2 (behind Snyder) of Redskin Nation. Illogical Rabid Redskin supporters demand Snyder sell the team; logical Rabid Redskin supporters will settle for Cerrato’s head on a platter. Vinny, whose a title—Executive Vice President for Football Operations—sounds more suited for a Federal Bureaucrat, is actually the ‘skins General Manager, Chief Snyder Ego Puppet, and Danny’s regular racquetball partner. He is fairly or unfairly blamed for recent bad drafts and free agent acquisitions.
Meanwhile, I’ve hardly sat idly by as my favorite football team cratered. Instead I heated up my own neurons and came up with the solution to Redskin woes. My solution brilliantly eliminates both Cerrato’s bad decision-making and Snyder’s interference with the team, while allowing Vinny to keep drawing his paycheck and Danny to protect his considerable pride.
Hey--Mangenius got nothing on Corkgenius.
I’m the first unlicensed Genius to suggest the Redskins turn it around by adapting a successful business practice of one organization that has thrived for more than a century. This outfit has gotten through recessions, wars, and the untimely death or incarceration of many of its leaders without missing a beat and while continuing its extraordinary profitability.
I speak, of course, of The Mob. (I call them “The Mob” instead of the “Mafia” or “La Cosa Nostra” because I don’t want some guy with no neck and his nose on the side of his face to give my knees a ballbat chiropractic adjustment.)
Here’s now my plan works. Deport Snyder and “adjust” Vinny Cerrato’s day-to-day duties using one of the Mob’s most profitable moneymaking techniques— give him a “No Show” job. A “No-Show” job happens in Mob circles when someone gets paid for NOT showing up for work. It’s needed here because Dan Snyder refuses to (metaphorically) whack Cerrato. There has been much speculation why he won’t, but it’s now reached the point Snyder would lose “respect” if he had him eliminated.
Under my plan, Cerrato keeps his job, his salary, his medical and his retirement--he just doesn’t come around Redskins Park to screw things up. The ‘skins can then hire a knowledgeable GM to actually show up and turn the team around. The protests will disappear as the team gets well, profits will soar, and Washington will no longer have to worry about being buried under, er, I mean “at” Giants Stadium.
I know you want to thank me for my brilliant solution, but eh…foggedaboudit.
Random Thoughts on the Revoltin’ Developments in Redskinsville
Let’s start with the offensive line--because as lines go this one is pretty offensive. Don’t worry; the Redskins brain trust is right on top of rebuilding the line. Next year owner Dan Snyder and his trained Racquetball partner-slash-GM Vinny Cerrato will try out a Sumo wrestler, a competitive eating champ, and a quadriplegic who once showed promise in high school.
Then there’s All-pro TE Chris Cooley. Chris dyed his hair platinum blond for the game, then proved blonds don’t have more fun by breaking his foot. Now his hair is on injured reserve. Yeah, like they can afford to lose that guy.
Fred (Alarm Clock) Davis replaced him and shocked everyone by catching eight passes—one more than he’d caught all year. Only one problem. Fred can’t block. That can get your quarterback crippled or killed.
With all due respect to Jason Campbell as a decent human being, that would be no great loss to the Redskins QB situation.
WR Devin Thomas caught his first TD pass of his pro career. Devin had also dyed his hair for the occasion. He had a pretty good celebration dance for a first ever TD catch, coming as it did in his second season. The Redskins could have drafted DeSean Jackson instead. But Vinny didn’t want to draft a Lil’ guy.
The player they call “Red Snapper,” Ethan Albright, whose bright red hair is not from the bottle, has never had a bad snap for the Redskins. Meanwhile, center Casey Rabach made two inexplicable snaps from the shotgun last night. One was aimed at Campbell‘s kneecap, the other, apparently at the head linesman.
Offensive tackle Mike Williams, who until this year hadn’t played since Bush was in his first term, wasn’t the most offensive tackle on the field, an honor he may retain as long as Stephon Heyer mans the other Redskin tackle slot.
Hey this team is in Washington, D.C. How about declaring the Oline a Federal Disaster Area? Or maybe a bailout… Execution? (By firing squad, preferably.)
In a pre-game ESPN show, we learned that Albert Haynesworth spent some of his $100,000,000 on a boat that will go 160 MPH. If they ever find the boat sabotaged, I’d suspect DE Andre Carter did it to keep Big Albert healthy. Carter, who plays next to him, has more sacks already (6.5) than he had all last year (4).
Jason Campbell not only isn’t very good, but he’s regressed. One wonders if Redskins Brain Trust will also cut out Zorn’s QB coaching duties. What next, halftime speeches? Calling the coin toss? Conjugal visits with Mrs. Z?
In Campbell’s defense, Patrick Ramsey suffered the same gun shyness in his Redskin career, too. Both have been expected to pass while in mortal fear for their lives.
What game was ESPN analyst Steve Young watching? He said the Redskins Oline was pretty good. To its credit, ESPN soon had Trent Dilfer, as good an analyst as he wasn’t a QB, on camera later to issue a rebuttal.
The refs were bad but it wouldn’t have made much difference unless they could have declared a forfeit for excessive dancing on the Eagles sideline.
Snyderatto isn’t a complete idjit. He didn’t give Campbell a new deal, and he didn’t renew CB Carlos (Double Move) Rogers contract. Both stunk up the stadium and will be gone next season.
The ‘skins played inspirationally after the Refs tried to job them following Cartwright’s kickoff return. But the offense soon grew weary of playing inspirational football, and went back to phoning it in. The D, everyone but Rogers, has nothing to be ashamed of.
Portis got good lift, distance and rebound on his two-hand helmet toss at the bench. We feel your pain, Clinton. Nice leadership skills, tho. Think of the Kids.
I have an idea. Let’s play that guy from the Giants the Redskins just had to have at QB. If they play Todd Collins behind that line, AARP may sue the ‘skins for Elder Abuse.
Can you imagine any other GM saying he expected his team to go 3-3 against six non-winning opponents? That’s what Vinny Cerrato said before the game. Pick any three letters for my reaction to that kind of thinking. WTF? OMG! Or LOL.
At his press conference Monday Cerrato said, according to the Washington Post: “Everything, and everyone, in the organization must be evaluated after the season -- Cerrato included, he said. "I got to look at myself..." Hmmm, I wonder if Cerrato will decide to fire himself?
Dan Snyder, Won’t You Please Come Home?
Where the Hell is Redskin owner Dan Snyder? His Redskin Empire is crumbling around him and he’s nowhere to be seen, not talking to the media, not talking to fans, not standing up to reassure, explain, apologize, ameliorate, or even announce some overdue firings. Say what you will about Jerruh Jones, the Cowboy owner fronts his organization and he’s there to fend off Media Photon Torpedoes, even after he dumped his primary fend off shield--Jimmy Johnson’s Bucket o’ Hair.
Apparently Snyder has a policy of shutting up during the season. A flack named Bolno gets to play spokesman when Disaster Architect and de facto GM Vinny Cerrato isn’t flapping his gums. Meanwhile Defensive Guru Greg Blache has turned his media interfacing duties over to an assistant and everyone tuned out Dead Coach Walking Jim Zorn weeks ago.
As for Silent Dan, the owner, we only get to see his dour visage looming over the stadium during games, and that’s about it. (Plan on a lot of that Monday night against Philly, especially if Thetan Tom Cruise is in the seat next to him.)
Maybe Dan himself will speak up Monday. You know ESPN will be clambering for an interview with the Danny because they know inquiring minds want to know WTF is going on with a once proud franchise.
I know I have no chance of a one on one with the Big Boss Man, but here are a few questions--40 actually—I’d like to ask Danny.
Do you still play racquetball with Redskin Vice Special Deputy Assistant Chief Cook and Bottle Washer Vinny Cerrato? Does he still let you win?
Do you understand just how bad the player personnel situation is under his stewardship—and yours?
Have you tried Craig’s List to find a new racquetball partner?
Have you heard the one about the guy who hired a quarterback coach to be his offensive coordinator, a job he’d never done before, and two weeks later promoted the quarterback coach to Head Coach, a job he’d never done before either, and had him call plays, a job he’d never done before, either?
How much input did you have in that wackaloon decision?
Have you gotten a gander at the plays Jim Zorn has designed and called?
Are you aware the Counter-Trey is no longer counter anything?
Do you know the line never trap blocks? Never pulls? In fact rarely blocks at all?
Have you been keeping tabs on the Redskin drafts made by you and your racquetball partner?
Have you heard the one about how you guys drafted three receivers in the second round, none of whom were named DeSean Jackson or Eddie Royal, and none of whom have made a contribution last year or this?
Did you see Eddie Royal run back both a punt and a kickoff for touchdowns against San Diego Monday?
Did you see Clinton Portis bump into Fred Davis’s ass and fumble Sunday?
Are you aware that Clinton Portis doesn’t like to practice?
Are you aware of the comments Portis made about his head coach last year?
Are you aware of the fact that Portis is still gutsy, but isn’t half the back he once was? And there are no serviceable backups?
Until this week, did you think “Levi Jones” was an inordinate longing for denim?
Do you know what those guys on offense who don’t catch passes or play in the backfield are called?
Has anyone explained to you how critically important those L-I-N-E-M-E-N are in football?
Has anyone told you that without good ones, you can’t pass, you can’t run and you can’t hide? Well, you can hide, and still do, but you catch my drift.
Did you know the Redskins only two really good offensive linemen are badly hurt and may never play again?
Are you aware that the only offensive lineman the Racquetball guy drafted in the last five years started exactly one game?
Are you aware that you guys drafted a punter and had to cut him because he was no good and Kansas City’s Mr. Irrelevant, the last guy picked in the draft, made 12 of the Chief’s 14 points against you Sunday?
Are you aware the two most recent cornerbacks Vinny has drafted don’t play much, even though they were taken in the third and fourth rounds?
Did you have a chance to see Jason Taylor play last year? Do you know he cost you a 2nd round pick?
Did you know Vinny reinforced the offensive line earlier this year with a 450-pound guy who hadn’t played a down since Bush was in office?
Did you know the Redskins are being mocked on national sports shows for hiring a former Bingo caller as their new play caller?
Did you know your man DeAngelo Hall makes his interceptions by standing behind the receiver and catching caroms?
Did you know your $100,000,000 man is out of shape, which is a shame because he’s stupendous when he’s in the game?
Do you enjoy how the Redskins are emasculating a decent human being to save you less money than the sales tax on Haynesworth?
Did you know a lot of fans and sportswriters are talking boycott?
Did you pick out a nice suit and tie for Monday’s game?
Have you ever played Bingo at Sherm Lewis’s Bingo Parlor?
Did you know Steve Spurrier was an avid golfer when you hired him?
Do you go to Redskins Park after lights out and look longingly at the Three Super Bowl trophies this once proud franchise won? And then do you whisper “Rosebud?”
Did you know when you hired Joe Gibbs that Bobby Beathard used to handle personnel issues for him, and built the teams Joe won with?
Did you know Clippers Owner Donald Sterling recently said, “I’m glad I don’t have that guy’s problems?” (Actually, I made that up—but he could have.)
Since every football decision you make turns to dust, do you have any idea how to solve the coaching and GM issue without you picking the next ones?
Have you considered maybe turning such decisions over to a Blind Trust?
And finally, have you given serious consideration to selling the team?
Yes Dan I Will Coach the Redskins, However…
Dear Mr. Snyder:
Thank you for the kind and most generous offer to become the next head coach of the Washington Redskins. I will accept, however, only if he following conditions are met. That’s because I have no desire to become the next soon-to-be-ex-coach of your franchise, nor work under your guidance or that of Mr. Cerrato. This is a deal-breaker for me, and if you wish to ever be successful in football, you should understand the damage your decision making and quick trigger finger has caused.
For example: You squandered a wonderful opportunity by getting distracted by the next shiny object and dismissing Marty S. and replacing him with college coach and golf nut Steve Spurrier. Then you squandered a wonderful opportunity with HOF Coach Joe Gibbs, by allowing him to make personnel decisions when he has shown no proclivity in that area previously.
With that thought in mind, here are my specific requirements:
Compensation: You have offered me $10,000,000 a year, plus bumps for the second and third years. This is unsatisfactory. I wish to be paid $1,000,000 per year, with an additional $9,000,000 in stock per annum. My attorney will work out details. I insist on having a stake in my success and yours. The first three years of my contract will be ironclad guaranteed. If you fire me, it will cost you treble my salary for each year or partial year remaining on my contract, plus you must buy back my stock at highest level if I so choose.
Control: I will not be GM of the team. In this era of specialization, it is critical to have a fully functioning scouting and management staff. Likewise, I will not harm relationships with players by participating in negotiations. I have chosen ---- ------ to replace Vinny Cerrato as GM. If you wish, you may keep Mr. Cerrato within the corporation, however he will not be allowed within 15 miles of Redskin Park, nor FedEx Field except when attired in Racquetball garb.
Because of his long and faithful service, Mr. Cerrato will be allowed a full hour to clean out his office before being escorted from the premises in handcuffs and shackles.
Myself and my GM will be in charge of all player personnel decisions. Neither you nor any one else not designated by me will have any input whatsoever in player personnel decisions. Before I sign, we will work out an unlimited budget during my tenure, which I plan to exceed.
The Draft: I intend to build the team through the draft and by intelligent acquisition of young veterans by trade or free agent signings. Accordingly, no one in the Draft War Room will leave the war room for PR or other purposes during the draft, specifically; neither they nor I will be helicoptered to the stadium to speak to fans during the draft or for 48 hours after the end of the draft. (This added time is critical for FA decisions.) Players and ownership may of course continue the process of mixing and mingling with fans.
Assistants: All current coaches will be released. I reserve the right to hire back certain coaches, but plan to bring in my own staff. As for players, pending interviews and physical evaluation, I expect to make significant cuts, focusing on the team growing younger, stronger and more physical.
Player Personnel: Because I fully expect to have losing seasons for the first two years, the focus will be on building toward the 2012 season. Therefore playing time will be allocated with the idea of increasing the experience of quality young players toward that end. Young vets already on the squad who will still be qualified to play during the third year of my contract will remain at my discretion, as may some aging players with leadership qualities.
But as of now, I anticipate only the following players will be returning: On the offensive line, Derrick Dockery. The injury prone Chris Samuels will be encouraged to retire for his own health, his replacement will be a first round offensive tackle chosen by my staff and me this spring. We will also focus on replacing the center, right guard and right tackle in that draft.
The only receivers retained will be Chris Cooley, Malcolm Kelly and Marko Mitchell. Under a nutritionist and strength coach, Kelly will bulk up by 20-30 pounds and be used as a tight end. Mitchell will be retained as a WR. We will attempt to trade Moss and Randle El while they still have value and Devin Thomas will be released or traded for a future draft picks, based on the “Greater Fool” theory. Fred Davis will learn how to block as H-back or be cut. The spring from the locker room door will be removed so it will not hit him on the ass on his way out.
All running backs on the active roster will be cut or traded, except Anthony Alridge, who will be developed as a third down back. Rock Cartwright will be retained as a special teams captain and specialist, however, he will no longer carry the ball on returns or as a back. I know you have a “relationship” with Clinton Portis but I will not tolerate anyone on my team with that kind of control over the head coach.
On the defensive line, we will retain Albert Haynesworth provided he reports in condition, Lo Alexander, Kedric Golston, Jeremy Jarmon and Brian Orakpo, who will no longer play linebacker. We will attempt to trade Carter and Montgomery for draft picks while they have some value. Phillip Daniels will be offered a position as strength coach. Darrel Green will be offered a slot as ethics and morals advisor.
At linebacker, we hope to squeeze the last drop out of London Fletcher and Rocky Mac will be retained for as long as his knees hold up. We will attempt to groom H.B. Blades as a replacement for Fletcher but keep our eye out for young free agents or vets. Chris Wilson will be developed. We are in good shape at Safety, but if Landry does not show superstar capabilities soon, we will attempt to unload him. If he functions well as a strong safety, we will attempt to get value for Horton or Doughty and obtain a free safety. We will retain Hall and try to develop Barnes and Tryon as CBs. Smoot will be offered a position as linguistics and trash talk Coach, and Rogers will be offered an incentive laden contract.
Red Snapper will be retained as long as his arms hold out, and we will work to upgrade critical punting and kicker slots.
One last deal breaker. No more Tom Cruise at the games. He will be replaced with a younger, more relevant actor.
Sincerely,
Your Next Coach
(If You’re Smarter than You Look)
The Endless Reign of Pope Danny the Inept
I was watching the Redskins pathetic performance against the Bucs Sunday and…let me start again. Truth in Advertising Laws require I state the ‘skins would have to have played much better than they did to qualify as “pathetic.” Now then, as I was saying before I so rudely interrupted myself, I soon realized I was watching another rotten performance that left little hope for the future, yet I wasn’t even angry. Nor was I incensed, irate, irritated, or livid. That’s odd because I do have a bit of a temper. I’m of Irish descent and quick tempers and depression are our National Pastime. Over the years I’ve put a large number of dents in walls from thrown objects—usually it's the TV remote. In fact, my Replacement Remote dealer and I are on a first name basis and he lets me run a tab.
But Sunday, I felt nothing, not a twinge of regret. I wasn't peeved, irked, mildly put off or even miffed. Just empty inside. So I went outside and checked my pulse, Self-Heimliched, stuck my finger in a socket to restart the ticker if needed. Not necessary. I was alive and well, just no longer living in my home State of Denial.
I was pondering my fresh new attitude when my remote guy called to commiserate after another wretched victory and take my order. I told him I threw nothing and then he was depressed and angry.
What conclusion did I reach? What led to my sea change? Certainly my anti-depressants get some credit, as does the fact the Remote Guy’s kneebuster knows where I live and scares me. But the real reason surprised even me. I’ve gotten so used to the team's mediocrity that I now accept it. I’ve been reborn, I feel good about myself, I’m in touch with my inner child, and feel free to throw in your own psychobabble clichés.
I came to this conclusion without the advice of a shrink, thank you, because all my shrink money went into replacement remotes. But forever fresh in my memory is the knowledge that I had suffered the most agony and felt the most joy when Redskins wins and loses really meant something. The Superbowl wins were the biggest highlights, of course. The worst moments came after late season loses to hated opponents that cost the skins a playoff shot. On those days I’ve not only thrown my remote against the wall, but also broken into nearby homes and thrown a neighbor’s remote—and once the neighbor himself against the wall. Sunday I just found myself overwhelmed with the old Ennui.
What if they’d actually lost? What if the ‘skins had stunk up the second half as bad as the first against the inept Bucs? All that would have really meant was at the end of this season the ‘skins would finish 7-9 or 6-10 instead of 8-8. They’d be last in the NFC East, out of the playoffs and in the middle of the pack on draft day. The only thing fans would have to look forward to would be the annual Off-season Deception Follies, when Snyderatto loads up with new hopefuls who then spend the spring getting out of shape, pulling hammies reaching for their bulging wallets or just forgetting how to play the game of football.
It has been a dozen years of renewed hopes and crushed expectations under the reign of Pope Danny the Inept. Entire dynasties have risen and fallen in other cities while the Skins have grown roots in Mediocrityville. When fan morale caromed off rock bottom, false hopes were briefly raised with the occasional wild card birth, or the return of a beloved coach, or multiple single position draft picks to assure success, or the signing of the latest overachieving underperformer or fading near great. But then the Great Coach returned to NASCAR, the Superstars kerplopped back to Earth, and the three receivers the ‘skins took in the second round last year caught a combined total of one pass for minus one yard against the lowly Bucs.
Next week the Redskins travel to Carolina, which has problems of its own. Big whoops. It’s just more of the same. And so The Washington Post, like most papers desperate to bring eyes to its website, once again run a survey on how many points the ‘skins will score, blog optimists say it’s gonna turn around, just you watch, and the growing number of pessimists cuss out the folks responsible for the ongoing disaster. Meanwhile, the world keeps spinning.
The truth is, I don’t think the Redskins will ever return to their glory days until they are sold or until Dan Snyder issues a face saving statement that he is now going to “focus all my energies on turning Six Flags around” and takes Cerrato with him. He then turns the team over to a blind trust run by actual football minds, not marketing execs. Why if Congress wasn’t one of the few institutions more inept than the Redskins, I might even suggest they take over the team and fix it.
ODDS AND ODDERS
*Wouldn’t it be ironic if the best pick of the Redskins 2008 draft class turns out to be Justin Tryon? Both defensive backfield coach Jerry Gray and old #28 rave about the kid. Rino is proving to be a decent guard, too. So far.
*If I’m a defensive back playing against the Redskins, I key their guards. If one pulls, it’s a pass, if he zone blocks, it’s a run. When a doofus with a keyboard like me can spot that obvious Tell, what do you think a defensive coach can determine? Unless it’s a Swine Flu precaution, I don’t see why Zorn bothers to covers his piehole when calling in plays. Look at the tape. If there was an exception to blocking rule Sunday, I didn’t see it.
*Maybe Malcolm Kelly—great hands and all—just can’t get open. Campbell forced the ball to him even though he was always covered, it seemed, often by multiple defenders. Once Jason forced the ball to him when Kelly was blanketed by a DB, the Field Judge, two cheerleaders and the Bucs’ Mascot.
*This isn’t an original thought, but Peyton Manning is playing a different game than all other quarterbacks, including Brady, Brees and Rivers. A defense playing against him is like seeing kindergarteners defend against a grown man. It’s like watching Koufax in his prime, Jordan with the game on the line, Tiger on Sunday, Ali when he floated and stung. Whether you root for him or not, it almost transcends the game; it's an art for unto itself.
Washington Gives Detroit Another Big Bailout—Now What?
“You know, now that I think about it I believe the primary problem with this team is me. I can’t draft, I can’t trade, I can’t select coaches, and neither can Dan Snyder, who, by the way, stinks at racquetball, too. Now if you’ll excuse me, I’ve been reassigned to clean up the Six Flags flooding disaster in Georgia.” --Vinny Cerrato, outgoing Executive VP, Redskins, and Dan Snyder’s former Racquetball Partner.
And then I woke up.
Alas the Vinny Cerrato “quote” was just a dream. Or more accurately, a continuation of the nightmare that began at Ford Field Sunday. (That’s the thanks the Redskins get? Washington bails out the Ford Motor Company, and this is the way Detroit thanks us? Dude you’re supposed to roll over like the Lions always have to keep the gravy spigot open.)
Where was I? Oh right. I’ve spent much of the last day pouring over post-game accounts and analyses, plus reading the always-evenhanded comments by diehard Redskin fans on blogs. Over all, I’ve found fans' attitudes this week range from livid, frustrated and borderline homicidal, to very frustrated, extremely livid and across the borderline homicidal.
To help break it down, and as a service to you, the NFLDRAFTDOG.Com reader, I’ve compiled a statistical analysis of Redskin fan opinions on the debacle in Detroit. (N.B. Total is more than 100% because of multiple suggestions, overlapping opinions, and repeated math errors by me.)
The RESULTS
Dan Snyder sucks 100%
Vinny Cerrato sucks 99%
Jim Zorn sucks 98%
Jason Campbell Sucks 97%
OLine Sucks 96%
Portis Sucks 95%
Miscellaneous, no opinion and breakage 94%
This is an unofficial survey for entertainment purposes only. Results have yet to be replicated, and as always, your mileage may vary. Now that that’s out of my system, here’s what Your Humble Columnist really thinks of Redskin Playuhs and Players after week three:
The Brain Trust
Owner Dan Snyder: Let me start by saying financially, Dan Snyder has served Dan Snyder like a prince. His initial investment has soared, despite—or perhaps because of—his attention-getting grabs of fading superstars, disappointing big-name players. And over-the-hill vets. But as an NFL owner, he’s taken a First Rate Franchise and turned it into a Third Rate Franchise, without stopping at Second Rate Franchise.
Here’s one reason why. Mark Cuban, Dallas Mavericks owner analyzed how a sports franchise owner thinks on Monday’s “Mike and Mike” ESPN show. He said—and I paraphrase-- the very competitive juices that made a sports owner a success in another field (Cuban in computers, Snyder in Marketing) can ‘t always be subverted for their sports franchise. They may know they should turn over the reigns to those who are experts in the field, but when push comes to shove, it’s their toy and they can’ resist playing with it. F. Scott Fitzgerald said, “The rich are different from you and me” so I don’t pretend to know how true that is, but it sounds right.
And therein lies the problem: ego, arrogance and self-assurance helped make these guys successful in one arena, how can they turn it off in another?
Executive VP Vinny Cerrato: I’ve upgraded Cerrato from an unmitigated disaster to a mitigated disaster as he’s the guy pretty much in charge of day to day personnel and player decisions at Redskin Park. His “disastrous” draft of ’08 is proving to be less disastrous, as the three 2nd round receivers, guard Chad Rinehart and DB J.T. Tryon are getting on the field to join starting safety Chris Horton. The ’09 draft appears to have unearthed a gem in Brian Orakpo and 7th rounder Marko Mitchell and supplemental pick Jeremy Jarden appear headed for solid NFL careers. But that’s hardly enough for success in the NFL. Even with Snyder’s unlimited financial resources, Cerrato has been only a marginal GM, an 8-8 guy in a conference where even 10-6 doesn’t guarantee a playoff berth.
Coach Jim Zorn: Didn’t anyone notice on his resume in the section saying “List Your Experience as NFL Play Caller,” that Zorn wrote “None.”? Or “Play Design Skills,” where Zorn wrote “Marginal”? It’s hard not to like Zorn’s boyish enthusiasm and sincerity, but the sad fact of the matter is he is in over his head. He is a terrible play caller, and the “variety” of plays he employs wouldn’t pass muster in a Pop Warner league. I think Zorn will be a good coach someday. But he needs to practice his OJT elsewhere. The trouble with replacing him is Snyder’s penchant for meddling and quick firing tendencies--what coach worth his salt wants to come to Washington?
Coach Greg Blache: If you’d like to send him a gift, I suggest ice cream--Vanilla ice cream. Blache, for all his bluster with the media, is a pussycat. He designs plain-wrapper defenses, unsophisticated and predictable, and doesn’t present much of a preparation challenge to offensive coordinators. Sure the old Chicago Bear, N.Y. Giant and Green Bay Packer defenses of yore mostly just dared you to beat them, but the great defenses of the modern era rely on complexity, unpredictability and an attacking style. Blache rarely games or blitzes or takes chances, sitting back in a bend but don’t break style. Guess what? It’s broken.
The Team
QB Jason Campbell: Never have I seen such fan vitriol aimed at a QB who just threw for 340 yards in a game. But in truth, it looks like Campbell is joining the littany of undistinguished QBs the Redskins have drafted, guys like Shuler and Ramsey. Campbell is a tragic figure in the Greek theatrical sense—he is immensely gifted, but tripped up by circumstance and his own fatal flaws. But no, he does not “suck,” However, he doesn’t have that “It” factor the great ones have.
RB Clinton Portis: Has gone from great to average. His close connection to the owner undercuts the coach’s power. He’s too expensive to cut. And there’s nobody ready to replace him. The National Guard, CIA and FBI have joined the search for his missing Burst.
DT Albert Haynesworth: A split decision. He was “rested” during the second series, with Kedrick Golston subbed in for him. Second series? In a dome? He already needs a blow? Just how out of shape is he? On the other hand, he displayed guts and grit returning to play after being carted off the field with a hip injury.
D-Line: Where’s the vaunted rush? Where’s the defense up the middle? This was supposed to be a major strength, not a weakness, but the DL hasn’t dominated anyone yet.
The OLine: Middling to good pass blockers, poor to terrible run blockers. An in-his-prime Randy Thomas is missed, but Rinehart looked okay subbing in. Heyer appears to have peaked at average, Rabach is fading, Samuels is Samuels and there is precious little depth and no rising stars.
Receivers: Santana Moss had a great game Sunday and Cooley is solid. But none of the vaunted 2nd rounders has broken out with a big game yet.
Linebackers: Fletcher tackles everything that moves and Rocky Mac is having his best year so far. Orakpo is improving. LB is a pleasant surprise, but will they ever get to blitz?
DBs: A disappointment. For the first two games, DBs needed a GPS to find receivers they were supposed to be covering. Hall and Rogers have taken turns being picked on. Smoot’s inconsistent, Landry is ordinary and Doughty and Horton are playing well.
Stay tuned. Snyder’s ship is headed full steam at the shoals with no firm hand at the wheel.
Offensive Offense Dooms ‘skins In Deadly Debut
Women, lovely and wonderful creatures that they are, have an unfortunate tendency to have babies. This not only results in the continuing repopulation of Planet Earth, but more importantly leads to baby showers. When one of your relatives is given one and you are invited, you go. You don’t complain that it should just be for girls, or that it shouldn’t be scheduled opposite the Redskins/Giants game.
This is why TiVO was invented and why I saw the Redskins mess on a delayed basis. Watching the game that way, I got to instant-replay questionable calls immediately. And by questionable calls, I mean just about every play Jim Zorn called.
Oh, before I go on. Lovely baby shower. Had a very nice time. Kudos to the planners.
By now I’m sure rationalization has set in for many Redskin fans. After all, Sunday they lost to recent Superbowl champs, and by only six points. And in their barn. Good news is the 'skins got the pittypat Rams coming up at FedEx Field. Everyone’s still healthy. Campbell has a gun.
Let’s first deal with the last item: “Campbell has a gun.” Okay, so did Plaxico Burress and a fat lot of good that did him. Many fans are blaming Campbell for the loss, but that’s not completely fair. Still, I’m pretty much convinced he’s not the answer for the Redskins, will probably be a career backup and will be gone next year. I hope to be proven wrong—wouldn’t be the first time, won’t be the last. But as I see it, the main problem with the Redskins offense isn’t Campbell, it’s Coach Jim Zorn.
If what the Redskins have been putting on display under Zorn is the vaunted West Coast Offense, by all means send it back west. What it looks like is more of a bastardized version of the WCO, with the weakest elements of plays leftover from prior Redskin coaches thrown in for bad measure.
The Running Game
It’s all zone blocking, despite guards who are better at pulling and leading sweeps. What once was the “Counter Trey” power run is now counterintuitive. The back no longer jab steps away from the play to give blockers a better blocking angle. Time after time it was run without a lead blocker. The Redskins offensive line is not good enough or big enough to ram it down anyone’s throats, least of all the Giants.
For most of the runs the only blocker in front of the tailback was center Casey Rabach, being pushed into the Redskins backfield by a Giants Defensive tackle. It’s tough enough for a smallish center to block a 325-pound DT head on. It’s nearly impossible when he's sideways to him, as Rabach was on zone-blocked stretch plays.
Contrast that to the Giants run offense, where 275-pound Brandon Jacobs was led to the hole by 265-pound fullback Madison Hedgecock or by one or both of the Giants terrific guards. In one instance, the GIants center pulled and buried Redskins safety Chris Horton on a sweep for a big gain. When it comes to designing running plays, Coughlin and Co. make Zorn and associates look like amateurs.
Portis is a tough grinder but unfortunately he’s now a hybrid at age 30—and not in a good way. Portis lacks the power of a big back and the breakaway speed of a scat back. He doesn’t have much help, either. You can depend on backup Ladell Betts, however—depend on him disappearing when he is needed.
The passing game
Three things stood out, all negative.
First, they could not get Santana Moss open against Corey Webster. So why wasn’t Moss put in motion, or slotted, or set up in a stack? This lack of in-game creativity and adjustment on Zorn’s part is fatal to an offense. (Remember when Gibbs 1.0 would adjust at halftime? Good times.)
Second, Where were the new guys? Dang it all, I recently wrote a favorable column about Vinny Cerrato’s 2008 draft picks, and then everyone lets me down. WRs Malcolm Kelly and Devin Thomas picked up where they left off in 2008—which means they made virtually no contributions. I still think they have good things in them—but when will we see it?
Third, how come we saw a hurry-up no-huddle passing offense on the final drive, when it was too late? The Giants like to rotate their Dline to keep it fresh. A no huddle prevents that. Plus, it was almost the only time all night Campbell got in a rhythm. Shouldn’t it occur to ex-QB Zorn that changing up your offense can upset a good defense?
Look, I realize Jim Zorn has forgotten more things about an offensive scheme then I’ll ever know. On second thought, that may be the problem. But Zorn was never an offensive coordinator in the pro ranks before he became head coach of the Redskins, and it shows. He’s never been a play caller in the pros, either—and it shows. In fact, Zorn’s play calling has been bad ever since the first six games of his Redskin tenure, back before other teams figured him out. He’s predictable and bland. Last year he could blame it on injuries. This year the whole team is healthy—and predictable and bland. The NFL is no place for Playcalling OJT.
Let’s end on an up note. Loved the fake field goal.
Defensive Shortcomings Fixable
Let’s start with the new guys. I’ll begin by noting that the Giants may have the best offensive line in the NFL. So the Redskins should get much better against the Rams. But…
DeAngelo Hall reverted to his Raider days. He repeatedly missed tackles at key moments and his cover skills were so bad his one positive moment—the interception—came because he was so far away from the intended receiver he could pluck a deflected ball from the air. (N.B. Zorn has suggested his DBs begin staying in the same Zip Code as the receivers they’re covering.)
Albert Haynesworth probably didn’t expect to be the second best Superstar defensive lineman debuting for his new team last weekend. But he was well outperformed by Richard Seymour, traded to the Raiders by New England. Seymour, with no practice, disrupted San Diego’s offense like Haynesworth was supposed to disrupt Redskin opponents. Not to worry. Big Al’s still pretty good.
Brian Orakpo looked like an unimpressive rookie and did not have a particularly good game. He provided little pass rush or much coverage as an LB. But it was his first game and he wasn’t embarrassed. He should only get better.
The defensive ends, Philip Daniels and Andre Coleman were pretty much manhandled by the Giants line.
There was some horrible tackling, especially by the defensive backfield. Reid Doughty was the exception to that rule.
This Bothers Me
Yeah, Santana Moss started it. He lost his cool and was childish when he beeyotch-slapped Giant DB Corey Webster. But then Webster ripped Moss’s helmet off, hit him, tackled him and dumped him in the Redskins end zone. Not only that, but Antonio Pierce joined in the post-whistle gang-tackle of Moss. What did the Redskins do about it? Nothing. They stood around. No one jumped to Moss’s aide (Tackle Chris Samuels finally pulled a Giant off the pile). No one got angry. I guess you could say everyone stayed “Medium.“ And then Moss sought out Webster to apologize at halftime. Perhaps he invited him to tea.
I’m against dumb penalties—like LaRon Landry’s late hit out of bounds. But a team that doesn’t stick up for its teammates is a team without heart and without guts. I daresay the Old Hogs would have laid out Webster, if Gary Clark didn’t get to him first.
So it’s a bad start. It was a third straight loss by Zorn to the Giants, and a game played without a lot of enthusiasm or smarts.
But the fact they only lost 23-17 is a tribute to the individual talent on the team. If health holds, the coaching catches up, and the team plays with gumption and fire and attitude, the season can be salvaged.
But right now it looks like the coaches need more “coaching up” than the players they coach.
Redskins Final 53 Is an Unbalanced Lineup
Here’s how you need to watch the Redskins play. When Washington is on offense, if a player goes down, immediately check his number. If it’s #60 or #74 or #45 and he’s carried off the field with a season ending injury, it is also a Redskins season-ending injury.
When the ‘skins are on defense, if the injured number is 23, 27, or 22, ditto.
To explain:
NFL football has been overwhelmed with nostalgia of late. Throwback jerseys litter the field and team stores. The “Wildcat” formation is little more than a variation of the old-fashioned single-wing formation, which went out of favor about the same time as the Hudson and the Studebaker. (Those are cars: Ask Grandpa.)
This season, the Redskins have added (oxymoron alert) a new approach to nostalgia. They are bringing back something that was last popular on college gridirons about the same time as the Single Wing—their version of the unbalanced line. Only in the Redskins case, it’s not an unbalanced offensive line (with an extra blocker to the strong side)—it’s their unbalanced lineup.
The final 53, as this is being written, is as unbalanced as my Aunt Tillie waddling home from Happy Hour. Unbalanced, by this definition, means the Redskins have too much at some positions, not nearly enough at others.
Before you note that salary cap considerations have ended the Gibbsian era of overloading at all positions, let me go into detail.
On offense, the Redskins have four, count ‘em four tailbacks—and a single fullback. That’s the redoubtable #45, Mike Sellers. Sure, Fred Davis or Chris Cooley can fill in if Iron Mike goes down, but they can’t block like the Pro Bowl lead blocker he is. None of the tailbacks are big enough to be a lead blocker. They have added a rookie fullback to the practice team, and Eddie Williams shows promise, but he’s not ready yet. My guess as to a replacement if the unthinkable happens? Mr. Do-everything, Lo Alexander, steps in.
The biggest unbalance, however, is on the offensive line, the ‘skins Achilles Heel last year. They even kept an extra lineman, but still didn’t address a critical issue.
Last year two offensive tackles, Stephon Heyer, #74 in your program, and Chris Samuels, #60, missed several games with injuries, and Heyer was demoted to second string for a while. If those two starters miss any time this year, the Redskins offensive line will implode like, well, like it did last year.
Backups? We don’t need no steenking backups. Redskin offensive tackle “backups” include Formerly Fat Mike Williams, still a work in progress, and a chap named D’Anthony Batiste, whose name on his locker is probably affixed with Scotch Tape, pending an available, affordable vet. Meanwhile the Redskins sport three centers and more guards than Buckingham Palace. That’s unbalanced.
On defense, the Redskins have six serviceable options at left defensive end, (Daniels, Orakpo, Wynn, Jarmon, Carter, Alexander). Going into the Giants game, however—they are in trouble at cornerback. Carlos Rogers is dinged (but practicing) and missed pre-season, DeAngelo Hall is 5’10” and was embarrassed by serial embarrasser Randy Moss. Fred Smoot—he of the sunburned tongue--has been the top corner in preseason, but faded last year. Jason Tryon and rookie Kevin Barnes are not-ready-for-prime-time talents. Safeties? Skins got safeties coming out their kazoo, four, in fact, and another on the practice squad. That’s unbalanced.
Practice squads are always in flux, and can change in an instant. But right now, the ‘skins PS has no OLinemen on it. There are few vets available, either, as of this writing.
We Have Ways of Making You Talk
Among the members of the Practice Squad is Andre Woodson, ex-New York Giant QB. Psssssst Andre. That guy over there with the waterboarding equipment? Fella named Cheney. (We kid the former Veep.) But you can bet Woodson’s new BFF, Greg Blache, is full of questions for him. Redskins will need every advantage they can get.
While I think the game will be won on the line, as a Redskin fan, Giants rookie receiver Hakeem Nicks scares the Hell out of me. And if the Giants OLine handles the Redskins revamped defensive unit, it could be game over early. Welcome to the NFC East, Mssrs. Haynesworth and Orakpo. Gonna get nasty out there.
If the new crew can stuff Jacobs and Company, and the Redskins OLine opens holes for Portis and protects Campbell, ‘skins have a more than decent shot.
And oh yeah, those critical numbers must stay out on the field.
Back to the Top
Some Kind Words for Redskin Honcho Vinny Cerrato—WTF?
Let’s start with my Top Five List of questions I never, but never expected I might ask.
5. When did you first feel this strong attraction to me, Miss Alba?
4. Loved you in The Producers; do you have any kids, Mr. Lane?
3. What first made you realize you wanted to spend that much money to syndicate my column?
2. What possessed you to buy this winning Megamillions lottery ticket for me?
1. Is it too soon to nominate Redskins Executive Vice President Vinny Cerrato for NFL Executive of the Year?
The answer to question number one is it probably is too soon, but it’s not too soon to take Vinny off the Worst NFL executive Watch List, and may be time to pay him his props.
Faster than you can yell “Wow are you a hypocrite, you hate the guy,” let me ‘splain, Lucy. It’s beginning to look like Vinny is no longer the blithering idiot many Redskins fans thought him to be. So there may be an enormous heaping helping of Crow available for critics—myself included—who called the Vincemeister some names too ugly to put in a family column—mostly over his drafting skills. (Also, for the disastrous Jason Taylor trade.)
Looking Back at Last Year’s Draft
Vinny managed to snag three receivers in the second round who soon became known as the Ford Pinto, the New Coke and the Edsel auto of rookie pass-catchers. You want to talk disaster areas? One overslept and missed practice. That’s TE Fred “Sleepy” Davis, who languished on the bench catching up on his Zzzzs. The other two showed up at camp out of shape. Devin Thomas, the skins top choice, couldn’t find the bench, his playbook, or where to line up and was written off as a flopperoo. Malcolm Kelly re-injured his oft-injured knee and rode the pine.
Philly’s snagging of WR DeSean Jackson and Denver landing WR Eddie Royal with their second round picks compounded the insult to the receiver-hungry Redskins. Vinny was just warming up, we thought. The Redskins needed a backup CB, a lineman to develop and a punter. Chad Rinehart, a third round tackle, was so awful he couldn’t even grab a spot on special teams. Vinny drafted a little CB named J.T. Tryon in the fourth round. Tryon couldn’t cover leftover pie with Saran Wrap. Later, Vinny drafted a punter—who drafts a punter?—who got cut.
Of the ten guys the ‘skins drafted, there appeared to be only one football player among them, afterthought 7th-round safety Chris Horton, who blossomed. Oh well, even a blind pig finds a truffle now and then, Vinny critics admitted.
With pre-season almost over this year, and the final roster around the corner, it’s time to reassess that draft.
The terrific trio has come alive. Kelly now is set to become the ‘skins go-to big receiver. Thomas learned the playbook, and against New England opened some eyes as a kickoff return man. Davis threatens to become the Redskins #2 tight end, and may help coach Zorn unleash his heralded two tight end offense.
Ex-tackle Rinehart, now ensconced at guard, appears to be a primary backup to starters Dockery and Thomas. He’s joined by backup guard Jeremy Bridges, a free-agent Vinny pickup who plays guard and tackle, giving the Redskins even more flexibility on the OL. Not to jinx it, but the much-disparaged offensive line may more depth, more size and more youth than last year’s edition.
Nickel CB Tryon stunk up the joint against the Ravens, but has played better in his last two games. He’s not yet a force, but has gone from write-off to likely backup in a year.
Horton looks like the starter again at safety, and draftee Kareem Moore should make the team, also at safety. Vinny redeemed himself in the punt department by signing Hunter (The Punter) Smith this year, who not only can kick but is a steady and underappreciated talent as field goal holder.
The 2009 Draft could Be a Beauty
Despite squandering their 2009 second round pick for Jason Taylor, this year’s draft has some real potential. Everyone is nuts over DE/LB Brian Orakpo, who appears to be handling linebacker duties admirably and has great upside as a pass rusher.
The ‘skins have been mocked as an annex for U of Maryland players, but third round CB Kevin Barnes intercepted a pass against New England and looks ready to play. Kentucky DE Jeremy Jarmon, taken in the third round of the Supplement draft, has looked like a good investment already. He will have a full year to learn under Greg Blache and Phillip Daniels, and may be ready to start next year. And it looks like one or two of the drafted/UFA linebackers will make the big club.
It also appears Vinny and company have come up again with a seventh-round jewel. That would be Marko Mitchell, a rookie standout in training camp. He is a big receiver who earned teammate respect by embarrassing Redskin DBs in practice, and has caught two touchdown passes in pre-season. Better yet, Mitchell’s blocking added at least 20 yards to Chris Cooley’s catch against the Pats. He’s beaten out vets and fellow rookies and is a deadbolt lock to make the big squad.
Even the Snyderatto open-pocketbook policy, which has lead to miseries in the past, appears to be paying off. I’m not a big DeAngelo Hall guy, but with Rogers hurting. He’s the best CB the ‘skins have. Albert Haynesworth kinda sorta helps the defensive line and guard Derrick Dockery has shown you can come home again. Linemen Bridges and (maybe) Formerly Fat Mike Williams could prove to be solid acquisitions.
There’s even a mini-controversy between two afterthought backup QBs the team signed—Colt Brennan and Chase Daniel--both of whom have potential.
Did I really Write That?
I’ve just reread what I wrote and am still partially agog to see me praise the work of Vinny Cerrato. Yes, a lot can still go wrong. Kelly is one chop block away from IR, and who knows about Devin Thomas? A third rounder like Rinehart should already be starting by now, Tryon may be too short, and the Oline is still held together with bailing wire. Let’s see if Haynesworth lasts the season and if Hall and Dock are worth the money
But if these draftees are the real deal, please pass the salt. This Crow I’m eating is a little bland.
No Pressure on Campbell—Just Outplay Tom Brady Friday
Well as Roseanne Roseannadanna once said on Saturday Night Live, “It’s always something.” Last year the ‘skins had an offensive line that had trouble blocking and receivers who could not stay healthy, run the right route, or line up in the correct position.
Against Pittsburgh, Saturday night, the line pass blocked well, receivers got open, but starting QB Jason Campbell couldn’t hit water if he fell out of a boat. Think how the complexion of the game might have changed if, instead of under-throwing Malcolm Kelly with his first pass, he hit him in stride—likely for a long TD.
I continue to remain cautiously optimistic about this team—and will as long as it stays healthy—but issues remain, particularly on offense. Campbell must light it up against the Patriots
Here’s the good news. The Oline looked pretty good considering how little they’ve worked together. Dockery at 330 pounds is bigger and younger than weak-kneed Pete Kendall, and Randy Thomas looked healthy in his return from surgery.
In a position where they can afford no injury, fullback, Mike Sellers gave everyone a scare, but according to the ‘skins, suffered no more than bruise to the back of his leg.
Kelly, healthy, looks like the big receiver the Redskins need. And after appearing to strike out last year with three receivers taken in the second round, the ‘skins may have unearthed a gem with seventh round afterthought Marko Mitchell. Mitchell caught a TD pass, and has earned praise from both Clinton Portis and Santana Moss, calling him nearly uncoverable in practice. He’s no shrinking violet, either--standing up to CB De Angelo Hall in a practice dustup.
QB or Not QB?
Looming over the offensive issues is the matter of quarterback. Collins might be able to manage a season if Campbell went down, but he’s certainly not the long-term answer. Coach Jim Zorn played Chase Daniel ahead of last year’s rookie QB, Colt Brennan, and the hunch paid off—with Daniel throwing for two TDs, including the game winner to TE Fred Davis.
Presumably either Brennan or Daniel will be on the practice squad this year, with the other assigned clipboard duties.
Which brings us back to Jason Campbell, utterly ineffective in both games this pre-season. His lack of production brings up a chicken or the egg type question.
Were owner Dan Snyder and EVP Vinny Cerrato’s attempts to upgrade the QB position during the off-season justified? Or, conversely, by trying to get a replacement for Campbell, did they so damage a fragile ego that his confidence is shot?
Either way, the team toppers didn’t land Cutler or Sanchez, and if damage has been done to Campbell, better to learn about it now, than after a big dollar contract renewal.
The D Rates a B Plus
Life looks brighter on the defensive side of the ball. While Haynsworth made his debut with zips in the tackle, assist or sack department, he did show some push. Brian Orakpo looks like a brilliant pick, so strong that at one point he literally lifted an offensive tackle off his feet and pushed him aside. By mid-game, the Steelers were doubling him. No matter how strong he is, he’s not the strongest D-lineman, that honor belongs to Phillip Daniels, off-season weightlifter with the Guns the size of canned hams.
As the announcers repeatedly pointed out, the second unit played a lot of first unit minutes last year—particularly Golston and Montgomery—and the ‘skins may have the most D-line depth in the NFL.
Nothing stood out about linebacker play, but there was a definite upgrade on behalf of last year’s rookie CB disappointment, J.T. Tryon, and another DB, rookie third round pick, Kevin Barnes.
The most glaring weakness was the (not so) Special Teams. Some guy named Logan had more than 200 return yards against them. That’s awful. The skins may be feeling the loss of Khary Campbell and James Thrash.
Friday’s game against New England is critical. Of all times to need a breakthrough game, Campbell couldn’t chosen a much tougher one. With starters on both sides of the ball likely to play into the second half, it should show ‘skins fans what they’ve got.
Remembering how badly the Giants formidable D-line manhandled the Pats two years ago in the Super Bowl, one can hope for a repeat performance from the Redskin bullyboys.
It should be feast or famine this Friday. If the offense looks impressive behind Campbell, and the defense shuts down NE, hopes for a playoff season will rise. If, however, QB remains an issue and the defense proves no better than last year, it could be another long season.
Great Crusty Crustaceans, There's Hope for the Redskins!
Been in the world of Crustaceans and Yuppies (Southern Maine) for a little over a week, hence the late report on LAST Thursday’s clash with the Ravens. First things first--Lobster. My wife worked at a Cape Porpoise, ME, place called “Nunan’s Lobster Hut” between semesters of college years back and remembers the secret of cooking Lobsters. First, they MUST be fresh. Second, and I can hear the protests of the Don’t-eat-anything-with-a-face crew now—I empathize—they should be steamed, not boiled. And, er, cooked alive. (You NEVER cook a dead lobster.)
Drawn butter? A must. The only other side you really need is potato chips—Cape Cod preferably, but anything will do. Unless you’re under 21, you wash it down with beer, not wine. I’m an IPA fan, Sierra Nevada is my preference, but I also got some Sam Addams and they worked fine. We ate at home, so no driving was involved.
Good company helps, but if the lobster is prepared right, it’s not necessary. I can work my way through a couple of 1¼ pounders without breaking a sweat,
Dessert? Pie made with Maine Blueberries (the best) and Vanilla Ice Cream. If there’s leftover lobster, you can make a salad of it for the next day and enjoy Lobster rolls on plain hot dog buns.
Dang, I’m ready to head back there already. We have relatives who live in Kennebunkport, ME. That’s why it’s our destination--that’s not a political statement. Because relatives fly in from France for the big family gathering, we go in August. My preference would be after Labor Day—maybe late October or early November when the tourists have left and there’s a nip in the air. Breakfast in K-bunkport and environs? That would be the Wayfarer Diner or the appropriately named “All Day Breakfast.”
The thing that constantly amazes me during Main visits as a guy who now lives near LA, is why Americans left for the West for more room and great expanses of land, then ended up living cheek-by-jowl with neighbors and protected by sturdy fences. If you drive around K-bunkport—or many other areas of Maine—you see huge, rambling homes surrounded by land, lots of land. Of course affording it is another matter.
Oh Yeah, Football
Oh yeah, football. I “watched” the Redskins/Ravens on a computer site that merely updated the game play-by-play, and when we got home Monday night, er, Tuesday morning at 2 AM, I flipped on my TiVoed recording. Slept through most of it, as did the ‘skins. I rewatched the first half and my reaction may surprise you. As you know, I’m no fan of Dan Snyder or EVP Vinny Cerrato, and I’ve been pessimistic about the ‘skins hopes for years.
And how optimistic can one be after a 23-0 pasting? Well, more than I thought I would be. Here’s why. Since I don’t think much can be learned from the second half of a first pre-season game, this is based on the first two quarters.)
Campbell and Collins threw well. Passes were strong and accurate for the most part, and generally in rhythm.
The “Terrific Trio” Looked Pretty Good
Yeah, I know Fred Davis fumbled two catches, but hey, he only caught three passes all last season. He wasn’t known as a fumbler in college and holding onto the ball can be an acquired skill. More importantly, he was open. If he stays healthy, I think Kelly could be comeback player of the year. Or do you have to have actually been something good first to be a comeback player? This kid will catch everything near him, and he came out of college with a big rep as a blocker. At least for one half, he seemed to know the patterns. Ditto Devin Thomas, who also had apparently had an outbreak of maturity between seasons.
The O-line. Wait, did you put the OLINE in the positive side, John? Yes I did. They generally pass blocked well. They didn’t run block well as a unit, but at times individuals did some decent work in that area. So what’s the excitement? These guys haven’t played together as a unit yet. OLines must work together to gain cohesiveness to be fully effective, yet this one appeared to be partway there despite all their training camp dings. For them to have a good year they must stay healthy, and they must find a more than serviceable right tackle. Chad Rinehart’s a guard, not a tackle, but he also looks like he “gets” it.
The D-Line. Health again is manditory, but this line is deep and can be very very good. By the end of the season they could be the best in the NFL. Depends on Orakpo’s development, how Jarman plays, and the old timers staying on the field—especially Phillip Daniels, who just had his knee drained. Reynaldo Wynn may be on the bubble—his pancaking by Mike Oher was a thing of OL beauty, even if Oher lost his hat and had to leave the game for a while.
Some unfamiliar pass plays. Back when the ‘skins were losing playoff games to the Seahawks, it seemed the Seattle offense was always one step ahead of the defense, mixing up plays with astounding success, and thus making their good players look great. Word is Zorn may run more than the half-dozen or so patterns he ran last year, and if his young receivers learn the pays the ‘skins could use that kind of good Juju.
The ‘skins have a punter. They had several last year, and they all stunk.
Some studs sat. No Portis, Haynesworth, Randy Thomas, C. Rogers, etc. Healthy, they are keys to the team’s success.
Apparently, they got Jerome Bettis. He pulled a Favre, unretired and now plays as the 'skins backup ru…what? No! It was a typographical error on LaDell Betts uniform? Never mind.
Still, Don’t Hold Your Breath. Lots has to happen before I predict the Redskins go deep in the playoffs, but I like the vibe so far, especially the fact the team has stayed relatively healthy. Unfortunately, their next two games are against the Steelers and the Patriots, so the results may also look discouraging. But you know, if they play their “A” game this week—I wouldn’t be shocked if they shocked Pittsburgh. And no, you can’t take it to the bask, but it I’m right, remember, you read it here first.
Is There Tape, Bandage and Ice Shortage at Redskin Park?
The best thing about Week Two of training camp is the Redskins haven’t lost anyone for the season—yet. (Written 6/8). The bad news is the week has not been a good one because of too many scratches and dings, bumps and bruises, and that ugliest of all Redskin phrases: “Hamstring Pulls.”
The team has had so many tweaks that at one point during the intrasquad scrimmage Saturday, their FIFTH STRING right tackle was playing. (For the record, it was Chad Rinehart, who’s been filling in at guard.)
All World tackle defensive tackle Albert Haynesworth had his knee shot up and missed a practice or two. Starting corner Carlos Rogers has been sidelined most of camp with a calf. Right tackle Stephon Heyer and Right Guard Randy Thomas have missed too many practices with injury woes, as has center Casey Rabach (who’s back).
Most discouraging words come at wide receiver. Devin Thomas had been having a most promising camp before he tweaked a hammy. After a day or two of rest, he said his booboo was better, hustled out to practice on a rain-slick field and re-tweaked it.
Santana Moss also tweaked a hammy, and while the injury was described as mild, there’s no way that doesn’t set of alarm bells with Redskin fans familiar with Moss’s frequent leg injuries in the past.
Thursday marked some more aches.
Albert Fincher’s got a groin, Reuben Riley’s ankle’s bad, Alexander’s got a foot.
To which I can only add: “Ee-yii, Ee-yii Oh.”
Meanwhile, the offensive line has gone through more patches than Raggedy Andy and Dickey Lee combined.
With the ‘skins first preseason game against the RavensThursday the 13. With no chance to work on any kind of Oline cohesiveness, the backs are in peril themselves.
Even before the everyone and his uncle got dinged, the offensive line had been pretty much dominated by the defensive line in camp. This is great news for the defense, where Haynesworth, when healthy has been a Beast (as advertised) where Phillip Daniels came back from his season ender last year and is stuffing the run, and where Brian Orakpo is earning outrageous plaudits and has been schooling vet all-pro tackle Chris Samuels.
This defensive dominance shouldn’t be a shocker. As with most teams, the defense is ahead of the offense early. But the ‘skins are unbalanced in that regard. DE Orakpo was drafted at #13 overall. They re-signed CB DeAngelo Hall, and Supplemental pick Jeremy Jarmon another defensive end, have been part of the expensive reload on a defense already ranked #4 in the NFL. The good news is all have played well in camp.
But it reminds you how Redskins management has continued to focus on D and turned all but a blind eye on offense.
Campbell has been hitting deep balls but has been a little inconsistent. Last year’s bust receivers have been having an excellent camp, and Devin Thomas has a good shot at starting as Z receiver opening day if his injuries are minor.
But Skins fans and so-called experts—I qualify as both—have been beeyotching and moaning about the offensive line for quite some time now. And there are early hints that this year’s variant may be worse than feared.
Last year the OLine was old and undersized, yet skilled. It wore down in the second half of the season when some starters got hurt. Samuels and Thomas had off-season surgery and Redskin coaches are concerned about the latter’s rate of recovery.
This year everyone's a year older and Derrick Dockery has replaced Pete Kendall at left guard. Dock didn't have a good year last year in Buffalo and he's being worked over by Haynesworth. Meanwhile Jansen is gone and right tackle is up in the air. Heyer is still the favorite, Jeremy Bridges is available, but the Mike Williams story hasn’t been providing the storybook ending fans want. His pass blocking has been inefficient, to say the least.
A line that MUST get cohesive is losing valuable practice time that should be spent together. This does not bode well for the regular season. Unless fill-ins fill-ins Chad Rinehart and Jeremy Bridges win the position and the line learns to function as a unit.
Practice isn’t easy for the offensive dudes. Not ONLY does the ‘skins OL work against Orakpo, Haynesworth, Coleman and Daniels in practice, but there’s no respite upcoming in preseason games. Baltimore, Pittsburgh and New England's Dlines are not likely to enhance a struggling Oline trying to get better, or help an injured one get healthy.
On Redskins websites and blogs, some fans have been blaming legendary line coach Joe Bugel. They shouldn’t. Bugel isn’t the man responsible for drafting replacements for his older players. The FO has failed to replace aging vets with better, younger players.
Just look at the job Bugel did last year. With old, small linemen, little passing to relieve pressure on the run game, and a limited playbook due to a new coach, he got the team off to an extraordinary start with superb running behind excellent blocking.
Then the parts of the jalopy broke.
This year, it's basically the same jalopy, only with another 12,000 miles on it. The difference so far is it looks like the parts are breaking down before it even hits the on-ramp.
Back to the Top
Camp’s first mini-week is over and here’s what I’ve gathered so far. My analysis is based on past performances, reading between the lines, insightful analysis on my part, good old-fashioned guesswork, and a prayer or two to the football gods.
Okay, okay, I know, nobody knows what the real season will be like after a few days of camp, but already some trends—a few causes for joy, others disturbing--have emerged. And yeah, much of this will change in upcoming days and weeks. But that's grist for future columns
Here, in no particular order of importance, is what it looks like so far.
*The worst thing that happened to the ‘skins last year may have been losing Phillip Daniels. He has been almost unmovable so far in camp, back from the season ending 2008 injury that caused Vinny Cerrato ad Dan Snyder to panic and trade a second round pick for the all but useless Jason Taylor.
*It was buried in a feature story, but is worth noting: Redskins 2008 rookie bust Devin Thomas’s dad came to practice and told a reporter his kid reacted the same way every time he played football at a new level. First season, he stunk, was lost, confused, hesitant and a bit of a bust. After that, once he “got it,” his incredible athleticism prevailed and he dominated. Early returns from Redskin Park hint that may be the case in Washington.
*Good News/Bad News. Been reading about spectacular catches by other rookie bust Malcolm Kelly against CB DeAngelo Hall this camp. Kelly has six inches on the vet corner back. Kelly always had two good hands. If he has two good knees, he may be a force, especially in the Red Zone. Some worry that while Hall may be an interception machine, he may have issues with tall receivers.
* DE Brian Orakpo has earned the respect of a guy who has faced a defensive lineman or two in his day—OT Chris Samuels. The Texas rookie appears to be smart, strong, and already in possession of some quick and varied rush moves that are giving the all-pro Redskin tackle all he can handle.
*Former Fatty Mike Williams, now south of 350 and svelte as an eel, has been run blocking okay but eaten alive on pass blocking. Okay, he hasn’t played for real since 2006, but it’s a warning sign this dream comeback may be just a pipe dream. But then he hasn’t played since 2006, so he’s very very rusty.
*The offensive line has been dominated by the defensive line. Glass half full types (including Coach Zorn) are praising the defensive line and saying not to worry about the O. Glass half empty types are saying this group stunk up the joint in the second half of last year, hasn’t been improved, and is another year older and still the smallest line in the NFC East. Jury is still out, but the OLine has been ignored too long and is in serious need of upgrade in my book.
*Questions remain about QB Jason Campbell. Apparently the deep balls have been solid, the short stuff is still an issue. Reports out of camp are that the backups aren’t getting much PT.
*There's been little news about other rooks from last year, except Tryon showing better effort than last year and Fred Davis not doing much to attract attention.
*Maybe Derrick Dockery is just having problems because he’s blocking All-World Haynesworth, or maybe he’s seriously slipped. If the latter is the case, don’t be shocked if Jeremy Bridges gives him a run for his money. Does anyone have Pete Kendall’s cell number?
*One of the most talked about plays in camp was Clinton Portis supposedly putting Haynesworth on his keester with a block. Albert says he was going easy, not trying to hurt Portis, and anyway he was off balance. No video of it. Maybe, like the LeBron James dunk, it will eventually be seen and fans can judge for themselves.
*Another talked about play was a stunt by Haynesworth and Orakpo. Started with them switching positions, then Albert thundered inside from the DE slot, occupying tackle and guard, while Orakpo looped outside and had a clear path to the QB.
*The guy who should benefit most from having Orakpo and Haynesworth rushing the passer? I say it’s Andre Coleman, who will no longer be double-teamed and should have double digit sacks this year.
*So far, knock wood, the injury bug has stayed away from camp. Aside from the usual bumps and bruises, the only worrisome developments are a calf muscle injury that has kept Carlos Rogers sidelined for a couple of days, and, er, Haynesworth’s knee. CB is potentially one of the Redskins thinnest positions, and Haynesworth is the franchise on D, so maybe the injury bug is movie out of the larval stage.
*What’s happened to H.B. Blades? When Orakpo was a day late reporting,“his” strongside linebacker slot was taken by guys named Fincher and Robert Thomas.
*Lots of mention of “improved footwork” especially at quarterback. Zorn is a fanatic about proper footwork. Not only should this pay off on the gridiron, but help the Redskins get a replacements for departed Jason Taylor on “Dancing with the Stars.”
*Monday of “Week Two” started with Zorn giving the team the morning off. He has also allowed the vets to sleep at home instead of in the dorm this year. Remember his team collapsed on him last year, and that may be why he’s decided to go easy. Meanwhile, the fella coaching up the NE Patriots has turned his camp into a living hell according to reports, merely because they didn’t make the playoffs last year. Curious to see who has the better approach.
In summary, it looks like what’s Good is very, very good, what’s Bad (the Oline) is awful, and any current or former football player will tell you--two-a-days themselves are Ugly..
Can Former Fatty Find Fame and Freshen Feeble Offense?
News flash. We’re a fat country. America has more two-legged porkers than any nation this side of Lardassistan. We eat bad and our idea of exercise is smashing the beer can against our heads after we’ve drained it. Yeah, sure there’s a percentage of exercise whack jobs, gym nuts and triathlon addicts to remind us how out of shape we are, but them folks ain’t reading this. They’re either out running or attending funerals of fellow runners who keeled over on mile 19 of their last marathon.
Yeah, I know, it’s a football column, but I’m about to get to my point.
Here it is: You remember Mike Williams, prospective Redskin tackle? Mike was a #2 overall draft pick some years back and was, it’s safe to say, a bust—especially for someone drafted that high. So he did the logical thing, he quit football and started eating.
And he got fat as hell. How much, we’ll never know because the scale operator who weighed him claims truckstop/client confidentiality. But let’s say it was north of four and a half bills.
Mike is 6’ 6” so while 450 is fat; it’s not grotesquely fat. You weren’t seeing videos of him carted out of his house on a fork lift and taken in for gastric bypass. He just waddled from fast food joint to BBQ place, living life large, but not as long as normal size dudes and dudettes. Then things changed for Mike.
Mike played football at U of Texas with a guy named Derrick Dockery. When Double D was traded back to the Redskins, Mike got back the itch to play. He wanted to become unfat and return to the pro gridiron. Soft touch Dan Snyder & Co., who’ve provided a home for the halt, the lame and the old, said “come on down.” Maybe Dan figured if the football experiment didn’t work he’d have a lifetime customer for his Johnny Rockets hamburger franchises.
The Redskins mirthfully listed Mike on their website roster at 360 pounds, but he was still North of 400 when he inked his contract. I knew, you knew, we all knew Mike’s diet was doomed to failure. For every svelte ex-lineman like Mark Schlereth and Mark May, there were oodles of fat ex-footballers around town—or underground. Comedy is hard, dying is easy, but dieting is nearly impossible. Been there done that. It took the fear of becoming a Diabetic and losing my peepers to straighten me out.
As 2009 progressed, Mike missed a minicamp because he was still too fat. Cynical Redskin fans (forgive the redundancy) said, “Oh well, just another Snyder disaster.” There would be optimistic reports that the lard was melting off Mike and a photo (which could have been photoshopped) showed up on the Redskins website. Mike looked terrific in it. Wide as a house but without the belly of a bulbous beast. Then, earlier this month came word that the listed weight of 360 for Mike on the ‘skins website was indeed false.
“Ha!” I wondered. “What is his weight now?” Is he back over 400? Has he hit a quarter ton? Nope. And ‘scuse me while I wipe the eggbeaters off my face--dude now tickles the Toledo’s at OMG--354!
Now I have to tell you that 354 pounds doesn’t shout “slim” to anyone—unless they were once a hundred or more pounds heavier than that. But on the face of it, it looks like Mike Williams has completed Phase One of his comeback—and both he and the Redskins stand to be the beneficiaries. Good on them. Good on him. Mike has a new fan in me, and—if he keeps the weight off—he should become the poster child of fatties and former fatties everywhere.
I’ve seen Mike on TV and he comes across as a good guy, which makes rooting for him that much easier. He seems like the kind of person you’d like to have a beer with—make that a diet root beer. I hope he succeeds in Phase Two and becomes the starting tackle for the Redskins. And, dare we dream, let’s hope he completes Phase Three—become a dominant player and live up to his initial promise.
The odds are still pretty long. Here’s why:
*He could get fat again. Been known to happen.
*Even when he played, he was no world-beater. He was considered a decent lineman, but hardly one to justify his draft status.
*He’s rusty. When Williams last played pro football, George W. Bush was just starting his second term in office.
And yes, I’m a Redskin fan, but I’m also rooting for him because fat guys need love too, but more than that, inspiration. Mike Williams has more than a second chance to be a great pro football player. He has a second chance to be a role model and by so doing, literally save—or at least extend—lives.
Mandatory Pre-Season Pessimistic Preview Prognostication
I’m in a pretty good mood today as I’ve just taken my favorite performance-enhancing drug. That would be a Venti Latte, extra shot. If they made writers pee in the cup before practicing our craft, we’d all be suspended. Anyway, despite my jolly disposition, a while back I promised you a pessimistic forecast to counterbalance the wildly optimistic outlook I made in a recent column. My devious plan is to save both columns, then no matter what happens to the team, I can claim I got it right.
If you’d like to reread the optimistic one, scroll down two below this piece. If the website hasn’t ‘sploded, you should see Cork’s Pollyanna Prediction. Remember, both analyses were written before a single pad popped in anger, and are meant for entertainment purposes, only. So please, no wagering, as Dave Letterman would warn.
Okay, as always, pessimistic predictions on the Redskins start at the top. Many Redskin players have suffered hamstring pulls over the years, but the biggest problem is their Achilles Heel of an owner. Dan Snyder was selected third worst owner in the NFL earlier this summer by Sports Illustrated. Even ignoring hanging chads and dead guys who voted for him in Chicago, that’s no vote of confidence.
The irony is The Danny is an open wallet kind of guy, but unfortunately he’s also a World Class Meddler who refuses to hire a take-charge football genius to run his team. And Danny, unfortunately, doesn’t know football--yet. One day he may. That day isn’t here.
His racquetball partner, Vinny Cerrato, nominally runs the ship, but I fear the reason he’s not in hot water is the ship ran aground years ago.
Offense is Iffy
On to the players: While there are still questions about the D (more later), the biggest impediment to a breakout season is the Offense. The way I see it, five critical things have to go right on offense, or it is a disaster area.
- Jason Campbell. If Campbell doesn’t have a breakout year, foggedaboudit. While I don’t heap the lion’s share of blame on his shoulders, this team won’t work without outstanding and consistent play by the quarterback. Backup Todd Collins flourished in Al Saunders offense, but is ancient. Colt Brennan isn’t ready yet and Chase Daniels is ticketed for the Development Squad or release.
- The Offensive line. It’s old and small. (Go ahead; check the weights of the rest of the NFC East starters). Except for the 29-year-old left guard Derrick Dockery and unproven Stephon Heyer at right tackle, the ‘skins OLine are thirty-somethings. Left Tackle Chris Samuels, the best they have, is coming off surgery. Ditto Randy Thomas at right guard. Center Casey Rabach is undersized when forced to block 3-4 noseguards. Depth is very questionable, as once again the team didn’t address those needs with the draft.
- Those Second Rounders. Top WR Santana Moss can‘t last a season. One hammy tweak and the ‘skins are up the creek. Chris Cooley can last a season, but he’s only one man. Antwaan Randle El belongs in the slot, not as the #2 guy and doesn’t scare anyone. Last year, the ‘skins drafted three receivers in the second round, and got zip. WRs Devin Thomas and Malcolm Kelly showed up to camp out of shape and got hurt. TE Fred Davis forgot to set his alarm clock and was rarely activated. This year Kelly’s knee has been pronounced fit and Thomas has passed his conditioning test already. They must come through or Campbell won’t have that breakout year.
- Running back. Of last year’s right tackle tandem, Jon Jansen was the one who could run block but not pass block, and Heyer vice versa. Jansen is gone and that isn’t good news for aging stud RB Clinton Portis, an all-star last year. Ladell Betts, another former second round pick, has had one good year out of seven. Both have to produce and stay healthy.
- The West Coast Offense. The Redskins offense last year was plain Vanilla, not even French Vanilla. Part of it was due to circumstance--the ineffective receivers, OLine injuries, etc. But unless Coach Jim Zorn opens the playbook, don’t expect much. And you know star-lover Danny has him on a short leash.
Campbell hasn’t been offered a new contract or extension. He’s like the faithful wife watching a faithless husband dating prettier women (Hot Lips Cutler, Sexy Sanchez) while the spouse is home minding the kids. To stretch the comparison further, a great season by Campbell is akin to the faithful wife inheriting a small fortune protected by a pre-nup. After all the running around and mistreatment by hubby, do you really expect faithful spouse to stick around, no matter how much faithless spouse promises to reform?
If he’s great, Campbell’s likely Gonzo. I doubt the ‘skins would franchise him and keep an unhappy QB on board for $14 mil.
What about Defense?
I’m still not convinced the Defense is invulnerable. The 100 million dollar man, Albert Haynesworth must stay healthy and motivated while not on a salary drive. Ditto for DeAngelo Hall. And two areas remain vulnerable.
Linebacker. The skins took a DE in first round pick Orakpo, and then converted him to linebacker for running downs. How long will that experiment take to succeed, or last? Rocky McIntosh is injury prone. Was in college, is in the pros. Like every Redskin fan I love London Fletcher, but he’s not getting any younger.
Cornerback. Healthy and motivated, the ‘skins are in good shape with Hall and Rogers starting. But Smoot tailed off, J.T. Tryon was a bust as a rookie last year, and Kevin Barnes is a rookie. Little depth.
The next biggest cause for pessimism may seem out of left field—but hear me out. Can you blame a bad season on a bad pre-season schedule? You can and I will. Here’s the deal. The ‘skins need to get their aging and recovering Oline back on the field to work together as a unit, and they must stay healthy during the preseason (and season).
But how do they practice cohesiveness and stay healthy when their preseason includes the Baltimore Ravens, who manhandled the Redskins line last year, the world champion Pittsburgh Steelers, and the resurgent New England Patriots? The fourth game—where nobody important plays much—is the Jacksonville Jaguars. It’s bad enough the ‘skins are in arguably the toughest conference in the NFL; must they also play three preseason games against three of the toughest teams in football?
We will begin to get an idea starting July 30, when camp opens.
Back to the Top
Throwback Thrown Under Bus as June OTAs Begin
Redskins ten-year veteran tackle Jon Jansen has been cut. We all knew it would happen someday, but few foresaw it would be this soon, right before the 'skins June Organized Team Activities were about to begin. This is particularly worrisome after the Redskins front office ignored the OLine in this year’s draft—again.
Barring a trade or FA signing, right tackle will be manned either by Jenny Craig dropout Mike Williams, career guard Jeremy Bridges, or the guy the crippled Jansen beat out last year, Stephon Heyer.
Candidate Williams tickled the Toledo’s not long ago at 450 pounds, but has reportedly slid below Kirstie Alley range and now goes a svelte 385 pounds. He last played in the NFL in 2005. How long ago was 2005? It was the year George W. Bush began his second term, when your house was worth something, and when you could still buy a Pontiac.
What will the ‘skins do at right tackle if the stopgaps don’t work out? Well, there is that extra Cap Money the league distributed that they can use to help replace Jans.…oh wait a minute... The Washington Post reported Jansen’s cap hit may be $6 million. Ouch! Double Ouch! when you add in the sound QB Jason Campbell may make all year.
Early rumors had JJ signing with the NFL Network as a football analyst, but by the end of the day he’d inked a deal with the Detroit Lions as a player.
I hope Jansen doesn’t hang on too long. This is one tough hombre. Writers like me will put ourselves on injured reserve with a hangnail or a hangover, but this guy once played all season with both thumbs broken and in casts.
Tough? Yeah, I guess. But toughness wasn’t enough to recover from the weaknesses of the flesh. And Jansen also suffered two devastating leg injuries that robbed him of lateral quickness—critical in pass blocking. An Achilles tendon snapped in 2004 and he’d barely recovered when he broke his leg and dislocated his ankle in 2007. In between came the broken thumbs and a torn calf muscle. Last year, there were knee issues. When healthy, Jansen gave all you could ask for in a football player—and more. He just hasn't been healthy for a long time.
The spate of injuries is ironic, since before the Achilles, Jansen never missed a game due to injury--high school, college or pro. Although he didn’t play in the same era, Jansen is a throwback to the original Redskin Hogs, a lunch pail lineman with smarts to spare.
The Future Is Now?
Former Redskins Coach George Allen said, “The Future is Now.” Singer-songwriter Mickey Newbury wrote, “The future’s not what it used to be.” Let me add: “The Oline’s future is Iffy at Best.”
Here’s why. Redskins starters from last year (including Jansen) are all 30-somethings. The Oline, which played spectacularly well during the first half of the season, wore down and wore out as the year progressed. If 29-year-old Mike Williams grabs the right tackle job, the Skins still average well over 30 years old on the offensive line.
What are they doing to get younger? Let’s check the roster. The Redskins currently have eight OL on the roster 28 years of age or younger. (Not all will make the active squad or the Practice Squad, of course.)
How valued were these eight young prospects coming out of college? Not very, as it turns out.
One, Chad Rinehart, was a 3rd round Redskins pick who didn’t even play special teams his rookie year.
Another, Will Montgomery, was a 7th round selection, the 234th player taken in 2007. The remaining six offensive linemen were Undrafted Free Agents. That’s right. Not one of the six was deemed worthy of selection by any NFL team in any of the seven rounds of the draft.
Yes, the occasional UFA proves a diamond in the rough and yes, offensive line coach Joe Bugel is/was a coaching genius, but the Front Office has given him a Mission Impossible. Too many sows’ ears to expect a silk purse offensive line to result.
Here’s the under-29s on the squad as of this writing:
Rinehart, Redskins 3rd rd. pick, No. Iowa 2008
Montgomery, Panthers 7th rd. pick (234) Va. Tech 2006
D’Anthony Batiste, UFA, La.-Lafayette 2006
Scott Burley, UFA, Maryland 2009
Devin Clark, UFA, New Mexico 2008
Stephon Heyer, UFA, Maryland 2007
Reuben Riley, UFA, Michigan 2007
Edwin Williams, UFA, Maryland 2009
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Call Me a Cork-Eyed Optinist, but...
Just for Funsies, Let’s play Redskins Best Case Scenario
I’m gonna sit right own and try to imagine almost everything goes right for the Redskins this year, because let’s face it, they’re overdue. Below is my most optimistic breakdown on how the team might fare in 2009.
Don’t worry, I’m not delusional—well no more so than usual. Last year, I was of the opinion that healthy, the ‘skins had a pretty good ball club. In fact, that was shown to be true the first half of the season, when the squad was 6-2, including wins at Dallas and Philly. I’ve since looked at a couple of those games again on NFL-TV and was amazed how sharp the team appeared.
The key was the offensive line, as it so often is in football. Behind them a healthy Portis was a MVP candidate, Jason Campbell was a very effective passer, receivers had time to get open, and the defense wasn’t constantly rocked back on its heels.
By midseason, the OLine was a shambles--with starters Randy Thomas and Chris Samuels facing surgery--Portis was worn down, Campbell hadn’t mastered the art of throwing while on his back, and the receiving corps was hurt. There was zero help from the ballyhooed 2nd round squad of receivers and the season went downhill rapidly.
On D, Jason Taylor flopped; the secondary got hurt; yet despite this—the D played much better than we had a right to expect. As a head coach, Zorn looked overmatched at times and the rest of the league appeared to catch up to him. But that was last year. As usual, the redskins have had an entertaining off-season, spending 200 plus million to add three players, including all-world DT, Albert Haynesworth.
Here then the Optimistic scenario for 2009. Oh, and not to worry an upcoming column will take the pessimistic approach.
OVERALL
The biggest improvements for our successful 2009 season come at receiver and along the defensive front seven. On offense, a battered old vet makes a comeback, Jenny Craig should take a bow, Zorn opens the offensive playbook and the playoffs are made.
OFFENSE
The Offensive Line
It is revitalized with three new starters and good health all around. Shockingly Mike (Piggy Wiggly) Williams, the semi-retired candidate for Gastric Bypass surgery, emerges from a cocoon when camp starts at a svelter than svelte 355 pounds of muscle and enthusiasm.
The Right Tackle problem is instantly solved as Williams lives up to his potential. His running mate on the right side, Randy Thomas, fully recovered from neck issues has an injury free year and is named to the pro bowl. On the left side, the reunited duo of Chris Samuel and Derrick Dockery play like the CS and DD of old and get through the year unscathed, with Samuels joining Williams at the Pro Bowl.
The only injury is to Casey Rabach, but into the breach steps a man fully healthy for the first time in ages, Jon Jansen, shifting over from tackle. The 6’6” 310-pounder adapts easily and handles oversized noseguards on his way to a comeback player of the Year-worthy year.
Receivers:
He’s arrogant, he’s immature, he’s full of himself, and has an Ego as big as his biceps, but this year, finally, a healthy Devin Thomas lives up to his potential. He takes the pressure off a healthy Santana Moss and, amazingly, they both last the season without a hamstring pull. Also returning to the field and proving a short yardage and red zone threat is Malcolm Kelly, who also lives up to expectations. Joining them in key situations and five wide sets is TE Fred Davis, completing the 2nd rounder turnaround.
Quarterback
Working behind a healthy and nearly impenetrable line, and with many open receivers to choose from, Jason Campbell arrives with a spectacular season that earns him pro bowl honors and a fat new contract he surprises everyone by signing.
Running Backs
Clinton Portis stays healthy most of the year and is revitalized running behind a line more reminiscent of the Hogs of old than the battered crew last year. Zorn, who stayed with familiar running plays last year, opens the playbook wide in 2009, and Portis gains 1500 yards on 5.2 YPC average. Mike Sellers, whose snit ended when the wins started, returns to the pro bowl, where he joins and all-Redskin backfield.
DEFENSE
Defensive Line
Who says an old dog can’t change his spots? Not Greg Blache, who, blessed with the inside rush of Albert Haynesworth and the blitzing skills of defensive rookie of the year Brian Orakpo, changes his D from plain vanilla to 31 varieties of flavor. Blitzers come from every angle and Olines are stressed out trying to block Haynesworh and account for hybrid Orakpo, who may be a DE one play and dropback linebacker the next.
The beneficiaries of this are Andre Carter, who is back to double digit sack totals, rotation players at the other tackle position, and Left defensive end. Playing like kids again by alternating series, the “Greybeard Twins” Phillip Daniels and Renaldo Wynn are fresh and healthy all season.
Linebackers
Got to mention Orakpo here again, who played more than half his snaps at strongside linebacker, where he is always a blitz threat, but surprises critics with his agility in pass coverage. While his tackle totals drop because of increased numbers by the DL, London Fletcher is more than solid in the middle, so much so, in fact, he makes the Pro Bowl for the first time. Rocky’s knees hold up and he too has a great year.
Defensive Backs
The skins are fortunate, as their corners stay healthy all year long. The biggest surprise—equivalent, perhaps to Horton’s year in 2008--is the work of Maryland rookie Kevin Barnes as nickel corner, and the surprising play of last year’s washout J.T. Tryon. Says Zorn, “With J.T. it was like a light was switched on, and suddenly he got it.” Depth at safety pays off as Horton misses a couple of games and is ably filled in for by the recuperated Reid Doughty
Special Teams
Biggest upgrade is in the punt return area, where Antwaan Randle El, demoted as starting receiver, focuses on special teams and proves a demon returning punts. Hunter the Punter has a superb year, but with the offense clicking so well, he complains about lack of work. With a regular season-long holder, Shaun Suisham finds his accuracy again and has a superb year.
Other positive developments for the Redskins, Chad Rinehart and Devin Clark make enormous progress as backups and on special teams.
Redskins breeze into the playoffs and…and...and…that’s when the alarm went off and I woke up. Durn. It was a lovely dream.
Next Column: The Pessimistic Forecast,
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2009 Draft Analysis
Even Their Moms May Not Recognize Latest ‘Skin Picks
You remember those high school basketball games, when they’d announce the opponent’s starting lineup and after each name the home crowd would chant—“Who’s he????!!!”
I was reminded of that after each Redskin second day pick, a variety of never-heard-of guys who may not be around long enough for us to remember come Fall. Adding to the shock and confusion, not one pick was used to address the Redskins most glaring need—the offensive line.
The Redskins, whose season collapsed as the offensive line got beat up during the second half of last season, has only added one offensive lineman worth mentioning—prodigal son Derrick Dockery at left guard. Dock, who shuffled off to Buffalo for the Big Payday, returned to the welcome arms of his shunned teammates.
They also signed OT Mike Williams, a former #4 overall pick who hasn’t played football since 2006 due to injuries. What has he done to keep in shape since then? Apparently not much. According to the Washington Post he topped out at a near morbidly obese 450 pounds. He recently tipped the Toledoes at a Kirstie Alleyesque 410 pounds. Skins hope he’ll get down to a svelte 370 by minicamp.
Alas, the OL remains a potential shambles. All-Pro OLT Chris Samuels is into his thirties and ended last season on injured reserve. Center Casey Rabach got pushed around by oversized nose guards last year. Right guard Randy Thomas, another injury prone thirty something, suffered a near-career ending neck injury last year. Right tackle offers the Hobson’s choice of badly aging warrior Jon Jansen, and Stephon Heyer who is adequate, but appears to have hit his talent ceiling.
Yet the ‘skins did nothing to correct this during this year’s draft. Sunday, they grabbed two outside linebackers, a corner, a fullback/TE, and a WR. To add to the disappointment, most of them come with a history of injuries.
Stop being do durn negative, Cork, you say? Well, stay away from the Redskin fan sites, Girlfren’, because it’s boiling with anger over there. The snark and the snippiness runs rampant as fans line up to rip the Redskins choices, the front office, recent draft history, current draft history, that Redskin cheerleader with the cellulite, and for all I know, the Redskin Marching Band uniforms.
On the bright side, ESPN commentator and ex-WR Chris Carter predicted Brian Orakpo, the ‘skins sole first day pick, would be defensive rookie of the year.
Someone posted on a fan site that “we should look on the bright side. The season may get cancelled by the Swine Flu Pandemic.” Okay, that was me--anything to take our minds off this draft, which saw two NFC East rivals get much better, and the third, Dallas, add about fifty players thru trading down.
Okay, here’s the second day picks.
Kevin Barnes, CB Maryland. 6’1” 180. Kevin missed half of last season with a broken shoulder blade, one that has a keepsake screw in it. He’s described as too thin, but with long arms and a willingness to hit people. But then, soes my Aunt Tilly.
Cody Glenn, OLB Nebraska 5’11” 240 Continues Redskins FO’s fascination with players who have two first names (Devin Thomas, Fred Davis, Malcolm Kelly). Pro Football Weekly notes, “leg and foot injuries forced him to miss considerable time and he could struggle to stay healthy.” As a bonus, Glenn was suspended for his final three games as a senior.
Robert Henson OLB TCU 6’0” 241 The Sporting News says of him, “lacks bulk, strength and top speed. Takes poor angles. Reacts late…” Well I guess we should hold off penciling him in as a starter.
Eddie Williams FB/TE Idaho Pro Football Weekly fails to note his height or weight but mentions he’s “coming off torn ACL” so book him now for whirlpool time.
Marko Mitchell WR Nevada 6’3” 205 Says PFW of this seventh rounder. “Has intriguing measurables that will catch scout’s eyes.” Hey, wait, that’s a good comment! I like this kid. Come on Mark.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to go deliver three-dozen Krispie Kremes to Mike Williams—he says he needs a snack.
Day One: Okrakpo, Rhymes with Hope He Doesn’t Blow
With the 13th pick, the Redskins take Brian Orakpo of the University of Texas.
He’s a 260-pound defensive end and/or linebacker who loves Washington, wanted to come to DC all along, and even gave a shout out to Vinny Cerrato during his interview with Prime Time after he was picked. That’s a little like an Oscar winner thanking his Manager.
On the upside he’s very fast, he’s strong, he’s physical, he’s a senior.
On the downside he’s a ‘tweener who Michael Mayock said doesn’t put out every play, maxing his efforts about 80% of the time. Also, he can’t play offensive right tackle.
As Roger Goodell was announcing the Buffalo pick at 11, we were informed that not only had Denver made its selection at 12, but that Washington had already picked at 13 and New Orleans was “on the clock.” This tells me the Redskins didn’t make much effort to move down and try to get back the second rounder they squandered for Jason Taylor.
As a result, it was an early night for Redskin fans. The team doesn’t pick again until the third round, Sunday sometime well after 10 AM, EDT.
Head coach and offensive “genius” Jim Zorn has to wonder if he’s appreciated at Redskin Park. The Redskins, with the #4 defense in the NFL last year, added DT Albert Haynesworth, locked up CB DeAngelo Hall, added a linebacker, Robert Thomas, brought back two warhorses, Phillip Daniels and Reynaldo Wynn at DE, and then used their top pick on defense.
Meanwhile on offense the ‘skins brought back Derrick Dockery at guard and added a Free Agent OT, Mike Williams, who hasn’t played football for three years. I’m not making that up.
To get Orakpo, the Redskins passed on, among others, OT Michael Oher of Ole Miss, and WR/KR Jeremy Maclin of Missouri, who might have solved receiver and return woes in one swell foop.
The Redskins offensive line is aging badly, they are hurting at receiver and need a backup RB. They’ve got fullback Mike Sellers angry at them and wanting a new contract, and have jerked Jason Campbell around so much he’s sure to move on when his contract is up.
Oh my.
Ending on a positive note, there may be an offensive tackle worth taking in the third round, and with Haynesworth at DT, the skins may get away with an undersized Left Defensive End next year. Last year, they could not with Jason Taylor, but Orakpo is 20 pounds heavier and 15 years younger.
